Why am I here?

I can't help but notice a general confusion about why, exactly, I am here. Many people whom I talk to immediately ask why an American would be in their city. When I say I'm on exchange, they then ask what I'm studying at University. After I explain I'm still in high school they don't understand at all why I'm there. I am always asked these questions: "So, you want to study in Russia later on?," "You want to live in Russia someday?," "This is required for a language program?" It seems that the whole idea of youth exchange for the sake of experiencing a different language and culture is generally misunderstood. They are confused why a foreigner, especially an American, would want to live in their country and experience their culture. 

Last week I called up a friend of mine to come have some tea. She and I sat in my kitchen for hours drinking cup after cup of tea and eating a staggering amount of cookies. We talked until we exhausted all of her English and all my Russian, and at every lull in the conversation she would look at me and say, "Why Russia!? Why?! You are American, why Russia?!" 

Yesterday I went to dance lessons with my mom and sister. Yeah, I laughed too. Me! Dancing! Haha! I resembled something like a drunk orangutan trying to waltz. The poor boy I was dancing with! He's probably icing his feet as I write this. Anyways, it was fun, and they were awfully nice people. However, one lady said to me, "It is strange for us to see an American girl here, learning how to waltz." I wanted to ask, "Am I that bad?" But I bit my tongue and explained what I was doing there. 

On one occasion, my Australian exchange student friend, Maddy, and I went to buy coats at the huge Chinese Market here in Vladivostok. It's a massive, sprawling building packed with stall after stall of Chinese goods; mainly shoes, clothes and accessories, but you could find anything there, for next to nothing. The Chinese accents are hard to understand to begin with, but near impossible for me. That left Maddy to do the haggling, and she managed to get us some great deals on top of the deal that is the Chinese Market. It was interesting to see the community between the vendors. They hollered to each other in rapid-fire Chinese and were continually running between stalls. It never got old: the reaction of the vendors to find we were not Russian. They were impressed that Maddy was from Australia, but were even more surprised that I was American. One vendor couldn't get over the fact that we were there. I suppose they don't get many foreigners there; it's not exactly a tourist attraction. 

I count myself blessed to be able to go to church here. The congregation is incredibly warm, welcoming and kind. There is an interpreter who is there every Sunday and translates everything for me. She had a hard time understanding how the Rotary program worked and why I would want to come to Russia. The fact that I simply sit in a regular Russian school even when I don't understand Russian confused her, and many other people I talked to. There are plenty of foreigners here studying Russian (mainly from China, Japan and Korea), but they go to the international school, or the University. 

I find other people's reaction to me interesting. For the most part, they are not necessarily surprised, as there are a few other Americans in the city, but more confused. Sure, plenty of Americans visit the city, but few live here. The ones who do live here work at the consulate, or are married to Russians. The Russians, and even some of the Americans and British that I've met, are puzzled why I would choose Russia. Sometimes even I am baffled that I picked Russia, and not a beautiful place like Switzerland, or the Czech Republic. My whole life those were the places I wanted to go, or rather Europe, in general. Then, I had a chance to actually live there, and what did I do? I picked Russia. 

I didn't instantly love Russia, I am falling in love with Russia. It's a harsh place, and it's hard to love if all you see is the concrete buildings and unsmiling faces, and all you hear is a fast, undecipherable language. Now that I can understand more, and I have seen inside those concrete buildings, and I know the people more, I feel a stronger attraction to the place. It has been a lot of work. Quoting my Australian friend Maddy: "Russia doesn't give you anything, you have to take it." I feel a bit like oil in water: I am immersed, but not a part of it. I now realize how hard I will have to work to become a part of their culture. But the Russian culture is worth the work. That's part of why I picked Russia, I think. It's misunderstood and I wanted to see for myself what it was like. Now I am finding that it is a very beautiful place indeed.